Sending Your Baby to Day Care for the First Time: Tips from Parents and Experts

My son started day care two weeks before I went back to work, and though that was two weeks I wasn’t spending with my baby, it was also two weeks—maybe for the last time, at least until he graduates high school—that I got to spend by myself. I did everything I hadn’t had much time to do while I was caring for my baby all day: I got my hair done, I went to workout classes, and I deep-cleaned my house. But it also allowed my family to ease into our new lives more slowly, thus making the transition a little easier.

For various reasons, two extra weeks of child care isn’t feasible for everyone—but you can do a truncated version of my slowed-down introduction to day care with similar results. “If your schedule allows, it may help to arrange for a few half days of care ahead of the first full day,” says Lauren Wierzbicki, program specialist at KinderCare Learning Centers. “That way both you and your child can take some time to adjust to the change.”

Keri K., a mom in Elmira, Mich., who requested that only the first letter of her last name be used because of her public-facing job, enlisted the help of family to transition into child care. “The week before we started day care, we had my mother-in-law come watch him so I could go back to work (at home) and ease us into it,” she says. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends having someone take care of your baby or toddler at home for a short time, to get them used to being in the care of someone else. Besides, when was the last time you went out on a date?

If it’s just you, a partner, and your child—maybe a pet or two in the mix—at home, chances are, your house is a slightly calmer environment than a day care teeming with babies and toddlers. No two babies have the exact same nap schedule, so while one baby is napping, another might be pterodactyl-screaming with delight at their favorite toy. This means you might want to prepare your child for napping in spaces that aren’t super-quiet and dark. Consider, perhaps, playing music in the other room while putting your baby to bed, or creeping the blinds open a little bit more each day before a nap. The more time you give yourself here, the better, but if you forget, take heart: Your baby will sleep at day care, where the teachers are pros and have likely seen every kind of sleeper during their careers. 

“For both infants and toddlers, it is also important to explore the child’s sleeping environment at the school to help them prepare. For infants, this may mean helping acclimate to sleeping with the sounds of quiet voices around them,” says Lauren Loquasto, PhD, senior vice president and chief academic officer at The Goddard School. “For toddlers, this may mean helping acclimate to sleeping on a cot or a nap mat instead of in a crib.” Buying a nap mat in anticipation of your toddler’s eventual day care naps can ensure they’re ready to rest in spaces in addition to the comfort and familiarity of their own bed. 

If you have any items that help your child sleep—a sleep sack for your baby, maybe, or a lovey for your toddler—consider asking your day care provider if you can keep it in your child’s cubby to help make nap times easier. Research shows that “transitional objects” or “attachment objects,” as they’re called in psychology, can help young children regulate their emotions and feel less stressed. Just be sure to follow safe sleep practices; experts say toys, like stuffed animals or loveys, pose little risk to sleeping babies after 12 months of age.

Before deciding upon the day care where I ultimately ended up sending my baby, I asked local parents for their opinions on it and other local day cares. Because I was new to my area, I asked people in a Facebook group specifically for parents in my neighborhood about it and other child care options within walking distance of my home. Asking friends and acquaintances about their experiences can help you avoid unpleasant or risky situations, such as centers that don’t prioritize safe sleep or that use recalled or dangerous toys. 

Take a Tour—and Ask All Your Questions
When looking into options for your baby, ask about taking a tour while day care is in session, so you can see how the day care teachers interact and play with the babies, and how they respond to tears, tantrums, and other difficult behaviors. Some child care centers offer live video feeds or photo updates throughout the day, which can provide peace of mind—as well as moments of joy—that your little one is happy and well cared for (I get notifications for new alerts from my day care, and those featuring images or videos cause an intense spark of happiness, each and every time). 

Consider asking about security, too. Who can enter the facility while it’s open? Is the staff well trained on emergency procedures and responses, such as during a fire, or in case an unauthorized person gains access to the center? Does the day care have strict guidelines in place for who can drop off and pick up your child? 

Dangerous situations like these are rare and unlikely to be an issue, but on the off chance that something does occur, you want to know that your day care is prepared.

Keri says she did a few “dry run” days prior to the start of child care so that she and her husband could get the hang of their new routine. “Finding the elasticity in the routine has been really crucial, especially as I’m getting ready for work at the same time,” she says. She and her husband switch between tasks: waking and feeding the baby, caring for the dog, getting themselves ready for work. “We end up in a beautiful ballet of switching on and off to get the tasks done.”

“Parents should practice the morning routine of getting their infant or toddler ready, in the car, and driving the route to school,” says Loquasto. “This will make the routine familiar for the young child but will also reduce the anxiety and stress for the parents.” 

Yes, this might mean waking up earlier than you need to for a short time before sending your baby to day care, as well as, perhaps, prepping what you need the night before. It also reduces the likelihood of getting lost on the first day, or forgetting your baby’s bottles and having to run out of work in the middle of a meeting to bring them to your very hungry baby. (Remember that two weeks of day care I took advantage of before I returned to work? This prevented just that scenario.) 

Most likely, your day care provided you with a list of essential items you need to get for your baby or toddler’s cubby; if they didn’t, you should contact them to ask, because you don’t want to show up on the first day without these necessities. In the meantime, consider this list from Wierzbicki:

Diapers: “Aim to provide one diaper for every hour of care. Your child may not need that many, especially if they have a long nap, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.”

A package of wipes: Or, in my case, liniment and cotton pads.

Diaper cream: Keep in mind that “your center may require a doctor’s note and/or a parent permission form to apply topical creams.” 

Two to three sets of extra clothes: Today’s note from my son’s day care: “Diaper: Wet, Bm. Changed clothes.” Great!

Sleep sack for baby and blanket for toddler: Avoid popular weighted types.

Bottles, if your child needs them: I send four 8-ounce bottles a day, though typically he needs only three. 

Sunscreen: For babies 6 months and older.

Family photos: “We always ask families to share photos,” says Wierzbicki. “Children love to see photos of themselves and their loved ones, and having a family photo to look at can help ease the transition from home to the center.”

A couple of weeks after my son started day care, we got a message from his teacher through the day care portal: It looked like he had pink eye. Accompanying the message was a picture of my son’s swollen, crusty, red eye. 

As it turned out, he did have pink eye—and an ear infection. After a weekend spent cuddled up at home and a visit to the doctor, he was able to return to day care with just a bad case of the sniffles. Shortly after, though, I fell sick, then my husband. It was weeks before we were healthy, and my baby is still perpetually snotty. 

This is super normal. A 2017 study shows that the incidence of respiratory infections increases rapidly among young children who go to day care, though this drops off after about nine months. It’s pretty much inevitable—sorry!—but you can mitigate it somewhat by washing your hands frequently, teaching your child (if they’re old enough) to wash their hands thoroughly throughout the day, and making sure you and your child are up to date on your vaccines. Consider stocking up on baby sick item essentials, too, such as a Nose Frida (which we haven’t tested at Consumer Reports), a neti pot, and—if you don’t already own this yet—a towering stack of burp cloths. 

Every week, it seems, another mom in my mom group chat is stressed about sending her baby to day care, primarily because of the baby’s penchant for refusing to drink from the bottle. Each week, the answer is the same: Unless your baby has a rare physical difficulty preventing them from drinking from a bottle, it’s probably a personality quirk—a way of your baby expressing their clear preference—and they will adapt. Quickly, because they’ll be hungry. 

A couple of months ago, that anxious mom whose baby wanted only the boob was me. Now he’s a bottle-feeding champ, and the photos that day care sends of him throughout each day depict a happy baby having a great time hanging out with his friends. At day care, he gets social interaction; he has learned to adapt to new people and environments; he gets plenty of time to play, reach his milestones, and learn from the other babies. He has friends with whom he’s frequently photographed studiously interacting with toys and army-crawling around on the floor. I’m confident that he’s in safe hands, too, because the day care teachers I’ve gotten to know over the past few months are capable and skilled at their very difficult jobs.

It doesn’t make every day easy. There will be sick days and teary days and days when you wish you could hang out for hours on the floor next to your baby. “The guilt will be hard and you will miss them, but there are so many benefits of day care for child development,” says Elena. “They will have so much fun. Your kids will think you’re a superstar for being a working parent. The best moment of your day will be how happy they are to see you at pick-up.”

The highlights of my day are my baby’s smiles, two in particular: The one he gives me each morning when he wakes up, and the one I get when I take him from his day care teacher’s cozy arms and into mine.